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Invasion of the Body Swappers!/Transcript
This is an episode transcript for Invasion of the Body Swappers!. Transcript Jason: He brings the puck up the ice. He's unstoppable. He's on a breakway. He shoots, he scores! Michelle: Wow. Jason: And the crowd goes wild! Michelle: Grandmum, can we go to the store later? Grandmum: What do you need from the store, dear? Michelle: This. Jason: What's that? Michelle: Spark-a-light lip gloss. Jason: Lip gloss? Gross! Michelle: For you information, spark-a-light tastes like pralines and cream, and has sparkles that make your lips shine, and, and, and well, just look at her. She looks fantastic. I want to look as pretty as she does. Jason: Huh, good luck. Grandmum: Jason, don't be mean. Now, dear, lip gloss won't make you look like her. And besides, Michelle, I think you fine just the way you are. Michelle: I don't. For one thing, I look dumpy in these shorts. Jason: No comment. Grandmum: Now, Michelle, you stop talking like that. You are a beautiful girl outside and inside, but it's what's inside that matters most. Jason: Yes, Michelle, I bet you have the prettiest guts in town. Michelle: My guts? Grandmum: (laughs) No, of course not, dear. I mean your character, your personality. That's the real you. Like the Good Book says, "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who obeys the Lord will be honored." Michelle: I, I don't know what that means. Grandmum: It means--(teapot whistles) oh, there's my tea. I'll be right back, dearies. Jason: I still think she's talking about your guts. (grunts) Zidgel: Cadets Jason and Michelle, the untamed frontier of the galaxy needs you! Jason: Hold on to your guts. Zidgel: Captain's blog, stardate six point twelve dash nine, carry the two, which makes it, Thursday. Mission accomplised. Those words are always sweet to my beak. This time, the crew, led by moi, negociated a land for peace deal with the Belly Buttonians and the Lint People. Now, they will live together peacefully in the naval crater on Planet Epidermis. Midgel: Um, where to now, Captain? Michelle: Yeah, where are you taking us this time? Zidgel: To the Miso Guapo Convention in Sector Nine! Midgel: The what? Zidgel: The Miso Guapo Convention. It's the annual gathering for all users of Miso Guapo hair and skin care products. Let's see here, demicare patented oil control, daily hydrater; sculpting gel to help energize, tighten, and tone your midsection. Oh, and we mustn't forget the coveted Avocado Body Balm. Midgel: No, we mustn't do that. Zidgel: Mr. Guapo himself even sent me a free sample. (kisses balm) I'd have three gobblers hanging right now if it weren't for this stuff. Midgel: Sector Nine, it is. Zidgel: Yesireebob, I'm expeceted to give the keynote address this year. Midgel: You, really? Zidgel: Mr. Guapo thinks that I perfectly epitomize the Miso Guapo standard of physical perfection. Zidgel: You know, Midgel, you should try Miso Guapo products. They would only enhance your physique. You've the right sized pectorals, but you need to lose a few inches in your waist. And you, Jason, your waist is small enough, but you need to work that chest up. And you, Kevin-- Kevin: (puts sock on beak) Zidgel: Uh, never mind. Michelle: You are just too adorable, Miss Pretty Pretty. Look at you with those rosy cheeks, and that smooth soft skin of yours. Jason: Hey, where have you been? Ha! Looks like Miss Pretty Pretty is Miss Cyclops now! Michelle: Jason! Jason: Well, she is. And I don't know why you call her Miss Pretty Pretty. She's a rag thing. Her voice chip doesn't even work anymore. Michelle: I've had her a long time. She's been a really good friend. Jason: Whatever you say. Midgel: Come on, Jase, we need to ready the ship, almost to Sector Nine. Jason: Alright, I'm coming. Midgel: Hey, Mish, everything alright? Michelle: Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Midgel, do you, do you think I'm pretty? Midgel: What? (nervously laughs) Well, to tell you the truth, Michelle, I really don't know much about that sort of thing. To me, the prettiest thing in the world is the Rockhopper. She's a beaut, she is. Fidgel: Oh, hello, dear. I've been tweeking the galeezel device. Would you like to help me? Michelle: Fidgel, do you think I'm pretty? Fidgel: Pretty? Uh, well, pretty is as pretty does, as my mom always used to say. Ah, Mum was the prettiest woman in the world. But come, let's test this out, shall we? Kevin! Come over here and lend us a hand. We need a guinea pig. Zidgel: (sings) I make 'em swoon! Even for a cartoon! Just like George Cloon...ey! I make the gals loon...ey! Zidgel: (chuckles) I am a handsome fellow. Don't you think, Michelle? Michelle: Sure, Captain Zidgel, very handsome. Zidgel: Good taste, young lady. Michelle: Do you think I'm pretty? Zidgel: Oh, yeah, sure. Fidgel: Now, I'm just adjusting the energy flow for shrinking and transporting matter from one place to another. This should be rather painless. Are you ready, Kevin? Zidgel: So, how do I look, crew? Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: Ow! That was painful! Jason, Michelle, Midgel, and Fidgel: (gasp) Kevin-in-Zidgel's-body: Hmm, yup. Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: What's the meaning of this, doctor? Michelle: Oh no, Fidgel. They switched bodies! Fidgel: Oh, goodness gracious me! Jason: Cool. Fidgel: Hmm, yes, yes, it appears there's been an unintended transference of brainwave patterns. Most interesting. Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: What? What's happened to me? (screams) No, no! No, no, no, no, no! This can't be happening! Not right before the Miso Guapo Convention! I've, I've got a speech to make! Midgel: I think this is what they call cruel irony. Kevin-in-Zidgel's-body: (puts sock on beak) Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: Kevin, stop doing that to me! Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: Oh, man, I'll need bucketloads of Miso Guapo's Avocado Body Balm to fix this! That stuff can do miracles, and I need a miracle right now! Michelle: Hmm, me too. Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: Take it easy there, Kevin! You need to watch my waistline. Sol: Wow, you guys have been in some fixes before, but this really takes the cake. Kevin-in-Zidgel's-body: Cake? Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: No, absolutely not! Sol, hide the cake. Fidgel, how much longer on that galeezel? Fidgel: Uh, well... Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: Hurry! I'm supposed to be at the convention in an hour! Jason: Um, I think it's gonna take longer than that, Captain. Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: Then you have to give my keynote address, Kevin. I can't show up at the convention looking like...um...like this. Sol: But, Captain, even though you've switched bodies, it's still you on the inside. Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: You don't understand, Sol! The Miso Guapo conventioneers have very high standards on physical appearance. Sol: Hmph, sounds like a low standard to me. Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: Easy for you to say! And, Kevin, I said no cake! Come on, let's do some sit-ups. Feel the burn, baby. Michelle: Hydrates and moisterizers. I wonder what the difference is. Sol: Oh, now don't tell me you're falling for Zidgel's line. Remember, Michelle, it's what's inside that counts, not how you look. Michelle: I don't know, Sol. The only thing inside Miss Pretty Pretty is a broken sound chip. Announcer: Welcome to the Miso Guavo Galactic Headquarters! Remember, if you don't look good, you don't look good. Cavitus: Ah, the Miso Guapo Annual Convention. A chance for the most attractive and perfectly proportioned people from across the galaxy to commune and cavort and direct haughty glances at all the common and cosmetically incorrect among us. Bert: (sighs) How I wish I was one of them. Minion #2: Aww, but, master, you're so cute just the way you are! Bert: Preposterous! Maybe in my suit of armor, I meet the proportional requirements to be considered handsome, but inside, I'm still only a small pudgy vermin! Minion #1: But that's the way we like you! Bert: Well that's not how I like me! But all of that will change today! Today, Mr. Guapo is planning to give out free samples of his newly patented Avocado Body Balm. I must have all those samples! Minion #1: Ugh, why would you want a tube full of mashed avocado? Bert: Ugh, must I explain everything? Minion #1: Yes. Bert: Very well. If I have all the Avocado Body Balm, then I, the great and terrible Cavitus, will be the most cosmetically beautiful and emotionally shallow person in the galaxy! (evil laughter) Michelle: Here's the captain's speech, Kevin. He said to do it word for word. Miso Guapo: Greetings, conventioneers. Welcome to the Miso Guapo annual celebration of beauty and comeliness. Right now, I would like to introduce our keynote speaker for the evening, a penguin who was voted the most handsome Federation captain in the galaxy, Captain Zidgel! Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: Oh, man, he'd better not mess this up. Jason: Don't worry, Captain, it's Kevin! Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: Exactly! Fidgel, how's it coming on the galeezel? Fidgel: Eh, it's coming. Patience, Captain. Zidgel: Patience, he says! Whew, I gotta get this body in shape. Bert: Well, well, Captain Zidgel, I presume? This is a most blithe development. Now, not only will I swipe the coveted Avocado Body Balm, but also, heh, that capricious captain. Alien saleswoman: Hello, darling! Would you like to twy Mr. Guapo's avocado balm? You vant to be pretty, yes? Michelle: Y-yes, I do! Alien saleswoman: Well then, step right up, darling. Oh, and your hair. It is so, uh, how you say? Michelle: Ugly? Alien saleswoman: Oh, where is the poof? You must have poof, darling. Hair is not hair without poof. But first, we must get rid of this ugly doll, yes? Michelle: Yes, absolutely. Kevin-in-Zidgel's-body: Then, there was the time I lost my wallet between my pectorals. I'll never forget it. I--(sneezes) Uh-oh. Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: No, no! Kevin-in-Zidgel's-body: (puts sock on beak) Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: No, not the sock! Not the sock! Jason: Hey, he's gonna do the penny volcano trick! Midgel: Yes, I love that trick! Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: The who? The what? What's he gonna do? Jason, Midgel, and Fidgel: (laugh) Jason: Fantastic! But it always worked best with Kevin's body. Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: Ha, how'd you like that? I didn't know Kevin could do that. Miso Guapo: Uh, thank you, Captain. That was very, uh, stimulating. But now, the moment you've all been waiting for, the unveiling of my new patented Avocado Body Balm! Free samples for everyone! Conventioneers: (cheer) Bert: No, just what I've been waiting for! Cavitus: The free samples, at last! Engage mega tractor beam! Wait-Your-Turner: Help, I'm too beautiful to be captured! Alien saleswoman: Oh, no. Excuse me, darling, tractor beams just ravage my skin. (screams) Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: It's Cavitus. First Officer Midgel, crank us up and get on his tail. Midgel: The keys, Captain, throw me the keys. Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: Oh no, I left them in my pockets, I mean Kevin's pockets, I mean Kevin's pockets in my body! Midgel: No keys? Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: They're there! Cavitus: (evil laughter) I have you now, Captain Zidgel, as well as all of Miso Guapo's free samples! Cosmetic and social superiority are mine! Mine! (evil laughter) Didn't you hear me? I said cosmetic and social superiority--hey, are you paying attention? Cavitus: You know, Captain, it's really hard to reap the benefits from gloating without a little feedback. Can you contribute a little to this conversation? Kevin-in-Zidgel's-body: Hello. Michelle: What? Say that again! Midgel: I said we can't go anywhere. The captain left the keys in Kevin's, I mean, his own pockets. I'm gonna try and hot wire this thing. But until then, it's up to you, Michelle. Michelle: Okay, I'll do what I can. Michelle: Mr. Guapo, sir, we need to do something! Cavitus is getting away! Miso Guapo: Yes, yes, and let him go. He can keep the free samples. Michelle: But he's also got Captain Zidgel, I mean, Kevin! Miso Guapo: Oh, really? Well, he can keep him too. Michelle: But, Mr. Guapo...! Miso Guapo: It appears you just got a new hairdo. And let me warn you, space travel can do murder to your hair and dry out your skin. Michelle: Mr. Guapo, Cavitus is getting away! We have to do something! Miso Guapo: Really? Why? Michelle: Because good has to triumph over bad, get it? Miso Guapo: Frankly, no. After all, it is more important to look good than to be good. Michelle: What? Miso Guapo: It's what's outside that counts, dear. Don't you agree? Michelle: No. No, I don't. It doesn't matter what we look like if we don't do the right thing. Michelle: Hey, listen to me! All of you! Michelle: Hey! Conventioneers: (quiet down) Michelle: There, that's better. Do you see this doll? This was given to me by my grandmum when I was just two years old. She's been my best friend for a long time now. Miso Guapo: Oh, dear girl, she's downright unattractive. Get a new best friend. Michelle: She might not look like much, but believe me, her beauty isn't in the way she looks, but in how she makes me feel. Miss Pretty Pretty's sound chip: You make me happy! You're my best friend! Michelle: Hey, how about that? You can speak again! It's what's on the inside that counts. After all, charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a person who obeys the Lord will be honored, am I right, people? Conventioneers: (agree) Miso Guapo: No, let's not be hasty. Good looks count for something. Conventionneers: (cheer for Michelle) Zidgel-in-Kevin's-body: Midgel, I think you're beautiful. Midgel: No, Captain, you're beautiful! Zidgel and Midgel: (cry) Jason: Oh, brother. Miso Guapo: I guess you're right, my dear. I'm so sorry for our behavior. Is there anything we can do to help? Michelle: Yeah! I don't suppose I could borrow that for a few minutes, could I? Miso Guapo: But of course. Cavitus: Oh, come on, Captain. You gotta give me something! Something like, "Cavitus, I should have known," or, "You fiend!" or, "You'll, you'll never get away with this!" or even-- Zidgel: Nanny nanny boo boo. Cavitus: Well, that wouldn't be my first choice, but--hey, how did you say that without your lips moving? Zidgel: Because, because that is not the real Captain Zidgel. I am! Cavitus: You are? But who--? Zidgel: A decoy! Ha, ha, yes, you've heard of duck decoys, well, this is a penguin...version. Very rare. Cavitus: But, your lips aren't even moving now. Zidgel: Oh, um, yes, that's right. I do that a lot. Clever, no? Cavitus: Yes, very. Drat, a decoy! A decoy! Curses, rants, exclamations, and, and--! Minion #2: Gesticulations expressing angry emotion? Cavitus: Yes, that! You can't do this to me! Not again! Not again! Gah!! Kevin-in-Zidgel's-body: Woah. Cavitus: Ah, minions! My Avocado Body Balm! My own! My precious! Zidgel: Well, I have to admit, it's good to be in my own body again. Even though I did enjoy the opportunity to do the penny volcano trick. Midgel: To the penny volcano trick! Rest of Rockhopper crew: The penny volcano trick! Michelle: And to Miss Pretty Pretty. She taught me a lot today, like the proverb Grandmum told us. Jason: Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain. Sol: A wise woman, your grandma. Michelle: And very beautiful, inside and out, because she knows doing the right thing is more important than looking good. Sol: Just remember, Michelle, good looks don't last. What does last is kindness, love, and friendship. The things that only be found on the inside. Miss Pretty Pretty's sound chip: You make me happy! You're my best friend! Jason: Sorry for I said earlier. Miss Pretty Pretty is kinda cool, I mean, cool for a doll. Michelle: Thanks, Jason! Pretty is as pretty does. Right, Fidgel? Fidgel: That's right. Zidgel: Speaking of which, I think my days of endorsing Miso Guapo products are over. Midgel: Really, Captain? That's great. Is is because they're too focused on outward appearances? Zidgel: Nope. Because I'm allergic to avocadoes. Hey, Sol, what's in this dip? Jason: Thank you for another amazing day. Michelle: And for another lesson. I get it, now. It's what's inside that counts. Help me to remember that, no matter what I see on T.V. or in any magazine. Jason and Michelle: Amen. Bert: That's a lie! I'm not any taller, my nose is the same size, I don't have any rippling muscles! It's all a lie! Minions: Awww! Looks like little master needs him a bath! Yes, him does! Bert: Get away from me! No, no, I'm not gonna--leave me alone! Oh, I'm gonna get you! Category:Transcripts Category:3-2-1 Penguins! transcripts Category:Finished Transcripts